Sexuality Is Personalized
Exercise: Implementing the Good-Enough Sex Model
Adopting new attitudes and openness to feelings is very important, but unless you actually have new experiences the good intentions and energetic feelings will break down.
In this exercise, focus on identifying a new sexual voice incorporating at least two dimensions of the Good-Enough Sex approach. It is a couple task to integrate the new attitudes, behaviors, and feelings into your couple sexual style.
What If You Don’t Have an Intimate Partner Now?
If you are a man without a partner, the Good-Enough Sex model may seem irrelevant. However, not having a partner right now for whatever reason may actually be an advantage, because you do not have the immediate pressure to integrate the model. You can gradually implement this framework and principles with the virtual partner in your mind. That’s right: consider the 12 features of this model and focus on the sexual cognitions, feelings, and behaviors in your virtual relationship. At first this may seem peculiar, but remember that sex is always a relationship dynamic, and there may be several virtual partners you can relate to. You may, in your memory, be thinking about a past relationship, perhaps with someone who sexually hurt or rejected you. Or you may consider navigating a sexual relationship with an idealized or romanticized partner in the present. Or you have a hoped-for future relationship. You can develop increased sexual health while you internally implement the Good-Enough Sex model with your virtual partner. You will be better prepared for the real-life relationship that will eventually come your way.
Because many — when they first hear us propose putting into practice Good-Enough Sex — think we’re encouraging acceptance of mediocre or second-rate, bland, take what you can get, boring sex, here is a brief summary of how our model is radically different, and the blueprint for great sex without the unrealistic hype.
What makes Good-Enough Sex great is that it is not great in the perfectionistic performance sense but in the sense of emotional acceptance and relationship playfulness, cooperation, intimacy, pleasure, and eroticism. Yes, it is a case where reality really is better than fantasy.
Closing Thoughts
The Good-Enough Sex model is a direct challenge to the traditional male perfect intercourse performance model. The Good-Enough Sex approach will facilitate long-term comfort, intimacy, confidence, and satisfaction. Valuing variable, flexible male and couple sexuality allows you to maintain a vital sexual life in your 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, and 80s.